Today, I don't think I have cried as much, ever, in my life.
It is truly horrid.
When you finally realise that she's never coming back.
Going to my Nana's funeral was a heart-breaking moment and I have never felt anything like it in my whole life. I could not stop crying the whole way through the service, every little bit reminder me of her. The hymns, the poem, the eulogy and the worst part, was that her coffin was right there, next to me.
We had to bury her during the process. This was my first ever funeral so I had no idea what you had to do so when I saw it, I broke.
At this point, I realised that she and finally gone, and is never coming back. And I don't want that.
Geese, I am crying now!
I just want her back, you know. She made so many memories in my head which I will treasure forever and her affection towards me I will never forget. She was amazing and I love her.
The thing that I think made it that bit better than it is, is the fact that I actually got to say goodbye. Geese, that day was hard. She was ill, really ill, and she didn't know it. It was a brain injury and she thought she was going home soon. It was awful.
At the end, I just said goodbye, kissed her and left and fell into a puddle of tears. I didn't cry in front of her because she thought there was nothing wrong, when in fact, she wasn't going to be there much longer.
It still hurts now, like a heartache. I have never felt this way before.
But as I am writing about my beloved Nana, I just want to say something to her, if you guys don't mind.
I have loved you for 1000 years, and I will love you for 1000 more. Goodbye x
In loving memory of my dearest Nana, I dedicate this blog to her.
Bebeabout, signing out xx